Usain and Lightening Bolt...get it? Get it?!?

OK, not really.  But, something like this is actually in the works: “Sources” say that Usain Bolt (fastest guy alive, adoptive parent of adorable cheetah named Lightning Bolt) might race Chris Johnson, of the Tennessee Titans (buyer of cars for his entire O-Line after his 2,000 yard rush season concluded yesterday.)

Our money is on Bolt, but…um…only sort of.    Johnson shattered the Titans’ record for rushing yards in a season, previously held by Earl Campbell with 1,934.  He also, meanwhile, broke Marshall Faulk’s NFL single-season record for total yards from scrimmage Have you SEEN Johnson recently? Nope, you haven’t.  You blinked and missed him!

Oooh, we know. Our wit slays.

The race would be run for charity, and would take place on a standard track.  Johnson was clocked at 4.24 on the forty at the 2008 NFL combine, and he wants a short race, at the most 60 yards.  Bolt, meanwhile, wants the race to be longer.  (Johnson’s longest run lately was a 91 yard TD run early in the season against the Texans.)

1. Drew Brees: more interceptions than TDs in his last 3 games.  What are we supposed to do, start Mark Sanchez?

2. Cedric Benson: 22 yards and a hip injury? Ow.  He’s expected to practice on a limited basis this week, but even apart from our team we hope it’s not terribly serious.  Breakout seasons that end like that are just sad.

3. Brandon Marshall turns out awesome: Who knew? Why didn’t he catch those TDs when we started him for two misguided weeks?

The happy:

Well, we still won anyway.  Chris Johnson’s having himself a heck of a year.

Us: 94.39

Our Opponent: 60.71

We started off by switching Wes Welker, who went back and forth from questionable to probable to questionable to inactive over the forty eight hours before kickoff.  We managed this about two minutes before our lineup locked, switching in Baltimore WR Mark Clayton.  Not the best move ever–our gut told us to sit Cedric Benson instead of moving him into the flex spot, and…oops. Our gut was wrong.

Lance Moore, who took that flex spot, left the game with a hamstring injury (done with him–he gave us nothing last week even with Brees’ monster day.)  We bounced back from our mess with Chris Johnson’s career day and good numbers from Drew Brees and Chris Cooley.

And, of course, we kicked our opponents butt, and though we didn’t beat everyone in the league this time, we think we’ll be on top of the standings again, because of point differentials this week and last week for this week’s winner.

The Sports Chick: 130.84

Opponent: 89.59

Our major coup, of course? Drew Brees, who we could have told you is probably the best QB in the NFL, even before what we’re watching right now, which we’ll cover in a moment.  We picked Chris Johnson, the RB out of ECU who plays for the Titans, and Cedric Benson (who had a personally good game despite the Bengals’ 12-7 loss) was in our other RB spot.

But here’s what we figured out.  You shouldn’t draft the kicker from one team and the defense for another team and then play both in the weekend they’re playing each other.  It leads to some identity-crisis football watching. Seriously, the mood swings reminded us of PMS.

Our total: 130.65 LEAGUE VICTORY!!

The week’s opponent: 90.67

Not bad for our first week, eh?

We’ll take it.

This year, we’ll also take the Titans, who, confusingly for football rookies, showed up today in Oilers uniforms.  The Oilers, of course, were one of the founding teams of the AFL, and remained in Houston as part of the NFL when the two leagues merged, until they left at the end of the 1996 season to become the Tennessee Titans.  The Bills were also in throwback uniforms.  Hey, even the refs were kicking it oldschool.

A few game notes, to get UPH back into the NFL swing of things.

The Bills defense has historically been a strength, but they look…well…old.  They still tackle as cleanly and as hard as any team in the NFL, but their starting defensive setup averages almost five seasons of NFL time, and two of their starters have eight seasons under their belts.  Sure, some guys play forever, and that kind of time could just turn them into seasoned veterans, but tonight they just didn’t look fast enough to catch up to the Titans’ running game.

Meanwhile, the Titans have stepped up that running game.  ECU product Chris Johnson, in his second season, looks poised to be a huge factor, and even backup LenDale White looks…well, we won’t say fast. Heck of a lot faster than before he cut out the Patron, however.  He’s almost forty pounds lighter, and it shows not just in his speed and agility but seemingly in his swagger. They’re coming to play, and while we’re not yet sold on Vince Young, who had only 39 yards and boasted (if that’s what we call it) a 50% completion rate, some of his throws looked great.  He has some issues to work out, and needs some more refinement in his decision making in the pocket, but we think the possibility of  a trade to a place where he could start will be a motivating factor.

The Titans’ Special Teams contingent (or as UPH occasionally like to refer to them, the Special Forces), look good too: polished for this early, and in good shape.  They’re quick.  Quick is good. (and incidentally, third string wide receiver Paul Williams, in his third season? Well, his quick and his quicker had a baby named speedy, as they say.)

Are there questions?  Gaping holes? Wouldn’t be the pre-season if there weren’t.  But we’re excited about the Titans this year.

Love Ya, Blue. No, wait….