Mack McGuire, PED posterchild?  He’s come out of isolation, signed a contract to coach for the Cardinals, and is going to work out with the team in spring training–with the semi-tacit goal of being on the roster to pinch hit for a playoff run if one is in the offing, and let’s be honest, that’s happening.

Buster Olney blogged today that McGuire’s admissions were all but nonsensical, since he basically  said he used PEDs to stay healthy…but then they didn’t help his performance, no sir. That was all him.

The thing is? It doesn’t matter. Olney is not the only one to have noticed this discrepancy, but he’s the only one to write long and hard about it.   Most of the geenral public, even baseball fans, will read overwhelmingly positive coverage of this development.  (After all, Olney’s blog is only even available to ESPN Insiders…or, in our case, to the exgirlfriends of ESPN insiders who never change their passwords.)

This is all even though McGuire claimed he never heard anyone talking ‘roids in the lockerroom, yet also walked away anytime the topic came up. Hey, wait a second, if…hm….

The point? It doesn’t matter.  He’s working in baseball again, the era has drawn to a close. Now, truly, he no longer needs to talk about the past.

Mark McGuire was something of a PED posterchild: while he’d been a solid power hitter toward the start of his career, and had even broken the homerun hitting record for a rookie in 1987, it wasn’t until 1998 that he achievbed national renown, as the nation was transfixed by his purtsuit of the single-season home run record.  Yup, NINE years into his career. NINE.  At the age of THIRTY FIVE.

Both McGuire and Sosa, who competwed with him to be the first to beat Maris’ homerun record, weree widely assumed to be on steroids even back then.  McGuire admitted taking over the counter products which, while then legal, have since been defined as steroids.  In 2005, McGuire testified before Congress and..um…lied. Or, in any case, avoided the tough questions  by saying he wasn’t there to talk about the past.  (Given that tyhe past was why he and Jose Canseco, who appeared with him, had been subpoaenad by Congress in the first place, this strikes UPH as somewhat disingenuous at best.)

As media and former fans hopped on the hating-Mark-McGuire train, he disappeared from the public eye, coming out of his secluded gated community for an in-depth ESPN the Magazine portrait a year or two ago..and nothing else.  Until Tony LaRussa, manager of the Cards, hired him–very quietly, and for home games and practice only–as a hitting consultant.  Most of the world didn’t notice, and baseball raised it’s eyebrows and went along: the man could certainly hit.

Yesterday, LaRussa hired McGuire again, and this time, he’s the hitting coach.  Not a consultant, not a helper, but the number one guy.  Suddenly, McGuire is visible again and…

…it’s fine.  Very little negative press has attended the hiring, and if famously gunshy McGuire feels ready to do it? Well, to us, that’s the number one sign that our era of villainizing steroid users is officially behind us. 

Time for baseball to move on.

Or, as it recently seems, you might remember him as the guy who tipped pitches when he was in the field, but only to Dominican players.  (Tejada’s Dominican.) Apparently when he was with the Orioles, the guy’s own teammates felt he didn’t field easy ground balls off the bats of Dominican players, and that batters could see which way the pitch was headed by the way Tejada moved.

Johnny Damon tried to defend him against these allegations, basically by saying he’s such a crappy fielder that…only…Dominican guys…pick up on his cues…no, really….”

Tejada’s even admitted to injecting Palmeiro with “B-12.”  Honestly, given all these different allegations, we’re not even sure why this guy’s still playing, even though we do enjoy watching him.  He’s enjoyed something of a little renaissance with the Astros.  Is it time for that to end, in the name of the game?

He just wants you to know, and that’s why he told USA Today he’s been taking supplements since age 5–up to 20 different kinds a day–and half of them aren’t on the approved list and NOBODY FREAKIN’ CARES.

He brings up an interesting question:

I can see where guys like Hank Aaron and some of the old-timers have a beef with it,” Arroyo says. “But as far as looking at Manny Ramirez like he’s (serial killer) Ted Bundy, you’re out of your mind. At the end of the day, you think anybody really (cares) whether Manny Ramirez’s kidneys fail and he dies at 50?

Hm. Does anyone care? Does UPH?

Arroyo thinks Americans, most of whom put all kinds of crap in their bodies (just ask Morgan Spurlock!) don’t give a damn about steroids as long as their team keeps–or starts–winning, and owners don’t care about anything but making money.

We’re not sure we want to believe that, but we have a sinking feeling it’s true.  At least someone’s saying it.

AND he has a rock band.  In fact, if it weren’t for the current unfortunate hairdo, Bronson Arroyo would officially be our Yum of the day.

Right now, what UPH is thinking about is other drugs in sports, and the effect that the steroid-permissive culture might have on them.  Now that we’ve told you what the post is going to be about, we guess you don’t have to click the jump, but if you want to, feel free to Josh Hamilton, whose struggles with alcohol and cocaine, among other drugs, almost derailed his promising career, admitted a few days ago that he fell off the wagon: not just one drink, in fact, but a whole bender.  And yes, we know that for former addicts one drink can be just as bad–we’re not claiming to be experts on alcoholism, so please don’t jump on us for that part.  You’ll miss our point, and if you’ve read this far, that would be sad.

Hamilton made a drunk idiot out of himself with some girls, and then he called his support system–wife, manager, GM, teammates–and explained himself and asked for help, as he has so many times before.  The former number one draft pick went to rehab many times before it stuck, but stuck it has, and he is brave and responsible for owning up to his error and describing it in unflinching language.  This is a man who isn’t letting himself off the hook.

How hard is it to be Josh Hamilton? We don’t pretend we could possibly know, but it must be fairly hard.  Pro sports, looking only at bare facts, puts a lot of young guys together, often, in cities they don’t know, with tons of money, tons of new friends, and some serious time on their hands.  Also, half the time (if you play for a .500 team, that is), you’ve got something to celebrate, too.  Falling into drug or alcohol addiction in those circumstances makes as much sense as it can make in any.

Without getting too personal, let us say that UPH’s life has been touched by addiction: we can’t imagine the worry, the pain, and most staggeringly–to us at least–the trust it takes for a friend or family member of a player prone to addictive behaviors to let that player go out on the road.

But the worst part of this?  Certainly, there are players out there who will support others in sobriety, and who will act as sponsers, and do whatever else they can.  But in some ways, they may be fighting a losing battle, because whether or not we as fans want to face it, athletes take drugs.  They use substances–legal or not–to enhance performance.  While nobody’s equating a snort of coke with a shady supplement, the lines are blurry.  Some athletes use amphetimines.  So do some addicts.  How can anyone be sure the culture of the locker room and clubhouse isn’t colliding with the circumstances of an athlete’s free time to make addiction all the more likely?

We can’t.

And that’s the saddest part of the steroids thing.

The player’s association went on to say that there were legally available supplements that could have looked like steroids in the tests.  That’s what Ortiz is strongly implying he was doing.  The fact that the player’s association is going ahead and admitting their screw up now, as opposed to when other names leaked, points to that as well.

Of course, Ortiz knew he was on the list–everyone on the list knows they were on the list.  But there are nine guys out there who couldn’t ever figure out what to do about it, given that they didn’t take steroids per se.

So now, for crap’s sake, release the list.  Then, release all the other information you have about which people tested positive, which are the false positives on the list, and how they know.  That’s the only way to get past this.  And we need to get past this.

Now.

Our first thought?

Damon wants in.

Consider: his contract expires in 2010, and he’s having a heck of a year.  Even before he hit his 20th dinger last night, Damon had surpassed his home run total from all of last season.  (Yes, Yankee Stadium as it now stands is kind of a bandbox, but his OBP–one of Damon’s historical strengths–is comparable to last year.)  The Yankees are unlikely to have a spot for Damon, especially given that at some point, Derek Jeter is going to need to move to the outfield.  He would make a lot of sense for the Sox, especially if he were willing to take a bit of a discount, and especially depending what happens to Jason Bay.

Johnny could have retired as a Red Sox (what’s the singular? We have no idea. Never have. Long argument.), and spent the rest of his life dining out on his Game 7 grand slam and his amazing hair.  He picked a little more money and a few more years over loyalty to the rivalry, and to New York he went.

Please don’t misunderstand: UPH is incredibly impressed with Damon’s forthrightness and loyalty here, and he’s going to hear it from the fans in New York even more than he already has, and as we recall it wasn’t the easiest transition.  We’re not discounting that.  But we also think that maybe, just maybe, he might have been regretting his pecuniary decision.

Especially since he had to change his hair.

The List-That-Would-Not-Freakin’-Die keeps…well..not. Even Hank Aaron wants the list put out now, and we agree with him.  Here’s why.

1. Some of the players on the list probably don’t know they’re even there.  Did they take sketchy supplements that year? Sure. Did they probably know they kinda sorta shouldn’t do that? You bet.  But let these poor guys get some sleep.  And for the few that did take something unknowingly, UPH for one would like to let them have their say.  Will some of them be lying? Probably. But let’s put it out there and let the public decide, yes?

2. People are speculating like crazy.  Even players.  Bronson Arroyo of the Reds “wouldn’t be surprised” if he’s on the list, for example.  Which brings us to…

3. MLB is lucky none of the leaked players has sued them yet.  How long will it be before the fact that the test results were supposed to be destroyed means a lawsuit?  How about all the speculation you (and we, and everyone else) have been doing?  Libel, perhaps?  And furthermore…

4. The people one thinks are on the list may not actually be the people on the list.  In fact, UPH has heard some convincing arguments recently that many of the people on the list are liable to be pitchers: journeymen relievers, fourth and fifth starters, people who were looking for that extra couple MpH, or coming back from injury. Meanwhile, everyone’s busy looking back and seeing which batter had suspiciously large arms.  Knowing whose actually on the list will provide some closure, certainly, but it may also give a sense heretofore lacking of who, exactly, used, and thus of what may well have been the prevailing culture for a decade or more of baseball.

As John McCain might say, steroids are “a matter of history.” (Go ahead and skip to 1:47 on that video, this isn’t a political blog.)

Point is, they happened.  So let’s put them in the past, allow those on the list to all put out their press released at once, and move on.  It’s killing the players, it’s killing UPH, and let’s be honest….too much more of this and it’ll start killing the fanbases, too.  It’s hard to get excited about taking your kid to a game when you aren’t sure whether the jersey you just bought him has a tainted player’s name on it. So let’s just find out, ‘fess up, and move on.

Anyone with me?

Duh?

Clearly, we can’t be bothered to get off the couch….there’s a game on!  What if we miss it? Watch it at the gym, you say?  But if we’re  out of breath, how are we supposed to yell loudly enough?

Of course, this article is suspect in general….

First of all, the article claims that “fervent sports fans have worse dietary habits and exercise less than those who don’t follow a particular team that closely.”

a team? Singular?

Now, we’re not sure about you, dear readers, but UPH follows multiple teams. After all, baseball only goes on for part of the year, and “Player x used steroids, maybe, we think, back when nobody cared, I guess” is only a compelling off-season read the first couple times.  So, we, who started baseball-only, branched out. Football.  Good college sports. Less…um…prestigious college sports….

What kind of amateur roots for only one team?

According to this study, our BMI should be through the roof.  We’ll make a doctor’s appointment just as soon as it’s halftime. In the meantime, pass the buffalo wings…

(and, if you’re a real glutton for punishment, calculate your BMI here….